An Open Letter to the Girl who didn't Join a Sorority

Updated: Aug 17, 2020


Before I begin this letter I want to first say that sororities are one of the many beautiful models of sisterhood. For many girls its where they met their college best friend, found who they were and thrived through college because of it. Many and I mean many of the BEST girls I know are amazing leaders within their sororities, they are the future women bosses of America. But today I’m talking to you. The girl who either choose to not go through recruitment or the girl who didn’t make the cut. I see you. I am you.

Starting college, I had made plans to go through recruitment I had my outfits together, my ducks in a row and my heart set on being a part of a sisterhood. Until I prayed about it. See if you’re anything like me you get all of your plans together then say “oh yeah, God, here’s my plans what do you think?” (I feel like God really laughs at me sometimes). After I began to pray about this decision I immediately heard God tell me “no”. Which was confusing because I have never heard God so clearly tell me NO before. (I don’t like the word no, just ask my mother). Of course my first reaction was “um, why?”. He then clearly said “that’s not the plan I have for you.” Those words were not taken very lightly. So I did the scary, wise thing and trusted him.

I envied the girls who would get to have a forever sisterhood with their friends from college. I wanted what other girls had just because it looked better, more fun and more exciting. I felt like I wasn’t actually living my "best life." They were living out their college years doing so many fun things and I was the victim. I thought God was keeping me from that. Maybe you understand just where I am coming from. But God doesn’t call us to want what others have or play the victim or go against what he tells us. He is a GOOD father. He knows what is best, even when we can’t see it.

Instead of finding friends through a sorority, God directed me to a college ministry where I would meet some of my MOST favorite people on the planet. I would slowly begin to realize I did not have it all together and I was not as strong as I thought I was. God put Jesus loving ladies in my life who began to shape me & guide me. It all seemed like everything was going my way but I still had my moments of doubt.

The enemy fed me lies and I let him. Rejection, comparison, fear, jealously all rushed in at once. Especially going into my second year at college I even considered the thought of transferring and living life at a bigger college – that would probably have costed more money & directed me away from God’s plan. I compared my college experience (not in a “sisterhood”) at a smaller university to the girls thriving at HUGE universities, going to themed parties & seemed to be having the time of their lives. My eyes were set on all the worldly things I was “missing” out on, and I put God up on the shelf. Girl, let me tell you I know how it feels to constantly feel FOMO (fear of missing out).

My problem wasn’t with my circumstances. I associated sororities with fulfillment. That’s the scary word – the word that should be saved for God. I fought so long in wanting what other people had, I never stopped to consider what God had prepared for me. Obviously, everyone doesn’t seek out joining a sisterhood to find fulfillment. But, I wouldn’t say that there isn’t a misplacement of identity when it comes to college & all of the stuff that comes with that. Temptation, comparison, lust, and the rest of the baggage that the college environment can consume you with. Let me tell you straight up, YOUR IDENTITY IS FOUND IN CHRIST. Anywhere or anyone you try to find it in will always come short. So if you’re considering rushing or not, either way place your identity in Christ & focus on what he wants for you.

He will never disappoint you.

You might be just where I am. But let me tell you… YOU DON’T HAVE TO STAY THERE. See all of the comparison I battled with didn’t come from what others were doing around me, it came from not knowing where my Identity was placed. And girls if you misplace your identity, the enemy will use that to tear you down. I personally placed my identity in being unknown, unimportant, and useless because I didn’t compare socially to those girls I followed on Instagram. Instagram is just an app & people are still just people. We create those insecurities by not knowing where our security is. God is our secure, safe place.

Psalm 46:1 God is our safe place and our strength. He is always our help when we are in trouble.

Often we take all of those things that we are NOT and we forget WHO we are and WHOSE we are. We are daughters of the King of Kings. Sisters, we are fully loved and fully known. No matter what our social standing is within the world, you are important. You have purpose. This world is temporary – set your mind on eternal things darling.

Let’s take it even farther – God calls us to sisterhood!

Through my struggle with wanting sisterhood, God opened a door and showed me his favorite kind of sisterhood. Sisterhood rooted in Christ. He placed me in group of over 15-20 Godly (college) women & gave me the most wonderful mentor.

Romans 12:10 “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”
Proverbs 18:24 “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (sister).

Just like me, you may be caught up in the trap of comparison. Instead of focusing on what you’re missing out on, look at the relationships (or potential ones) already in front of you. God has put people in your life for friendship & sisterhood. You have the opportunity for sisterhood! Here are the best ways to find your best JESUS girls:

· Get plugged into a women’s bible study or HEY start one!

· Find a college ministry at your University

· Find a church in your college town!

· Invite gal pals over for movie night!

There is so much opportunity for sisterhood right in front of you. Find your people, pray for those friendships to form!

I don’t know where you are right now. You might be in college, high school or just living life figuring out where your place in the world might be. But let me leave you with these words my friend. No matter your story, your past, your letters you threw in college or the letters you didn’t throw – you matter outside of all of it. Why? Because you are LOVED, chosen, purposed, & so so much more than anything this world can title you as. As the wise Lysa Terkaurst always says “Live Loved”.

So this week I challenge you to do just that. Live your life knowing that you are fully loved & fully known by the creator of all things, because in the end everything on this earth shall pass but HE will remain always the same.

with all of my heart,


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