This blog is for the girls! Who out there is tired of finding love in all the WRONG places in your life? Yes, me too sister. We obsessively watch reality TV shows like the "Bachelor" and hope to someday find someone that will sweep us off our feet and be everything we have ever dreamed of. Let me ask you an honest question, what if every dream, goal and expectation didn't include a guy in it? What if instead of focusing on finding a relationship you chased your dreams even harder? What if instead of looking for that guy to complete you, you found that completion in Jesus? These are the questions I've had to ask myself, especially over the past year.
As you have read in my last blog post, I've been dating Wyatt (my boyfriend) for the past 5 years. As an individual in our relationship, I need to focus on growing myself: spiritually and emotionally. Whether you are in a relationship or single or just dating I want you to know this truth - You must learn self-love and self-compassion. In order to show up for others, we have to show up for ourselves. I'm not saying in a selfish way but in a fulfilling way. However, it is so easy to worry about when you will get married, who will you marry, will he be a good husband, is he the one? In a relationship or not, I want you to reflect on where you are constantly looking for love and how you can intentionally grow yourself as an individual.
So I've come up with a few ways you can begin to practice self-love and self-compassion. And honestly I think you're going to love them!
First things First: Stop Being Hard on Yourself
How many times a day do you hold yourself to such extreme expectations just to fall short? If I were to guess, a lot of digital hands are raising right now. But WHY? As women we are so hard on ourselves,we are constantly trying to keep up and catch up with the person beside us no matter how exhausting that actually is. Sis, stop being so hard on yourself. In the current book I'm reading by Lysa Terkaurst, she talks about self-compassion. She mentions that people might even seem closed off to the girl who is so hard on herself, because it easily comes off that she will be hard on others too. I have been that girl for years, until I started being self-compassionate. Once I was able to practice that, I began to be more compassionate towards others. Instead of trying to measure up, my focus was to be comfortable in my own skin.
I am giving you permission to stop trying to keep up with the status quo or the most popular Instagram preset. Instead of doing what everyone else is doing... DO YOUR OWN THING. That begins with choosing to love yourself at the root of who you are. Are you hilarious? Then please tell the world your best joke. Are you deep down a hiphop dancer? Girl, show the world those dance moves! Find out who you are at that very core of yourself and love that girl with all you have. Be proud of her! Stop being so hard on her, she isn't perfect, she is a gorgeous work in process and she is YOU.
Second: Where are you looking?
I'm a big Bachelor fan. The show gives me the much needed comedy relief I need through my stressful weeks of college. But, lets be real, those girls are looking for love along with 30 other woman and they are all dating the same guy. I don't know about you but that does not seem very fun to me! Ask yourself this, where are you looking for love? It is so easy to get stuck searching and longing to find love in a romantic relationship. But let me tell you sister, that's not what your soul is longing for. It's much bigger than that. Your soul craves the love of your creator. When we begin to understand that we aren't just FILLED we are constantly FULL of that love. It's the kind of love that never runs out, the kind that gives abundantly. Yes, some of us have found love in a relationship. Romantic love doesn't even compare to how much God loves you. If you will start to looking for love and joy in Jesus you will find exactly what you've been searching for. No human love could compare to the endless love of our God.
Third: You are ENOUGH
Learning how to love yourself and be compassionate comes with knowing who loves you the most. There are girls out there at this second who feel like they are not enough just because they don't have a "Valentine". If that is you today, that is the farthest thing from the truth. You are chosen, beautiful, intelligent, talented, gifted and most of all wanted. God did not create you just "average". You were designed in HIS image. How wild is that? Today, instead of looking at all of your flaws and imperfections like they are the worst parts of you, remember God created you just they way you are for a reason. We get so caught up in what we want to fix about ourselves we miss that our imperfections should reflect how perfect our God is. Sister, you are enough. Not because I say you are, but because God says you are.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Whether you are single or in a relationship today, I challenge you to not worry about all the shiny things about Valentines Day but choose to chase after God's love instead. Practice self-love and self-compassion. Choose to live loved today, and everyday that follows after!