The good, the bad, the Godly
There are multiple articles, television series, and people that try to define the “perfect” relationship. And I bet if you googled “How to find a boyfriend/girlfriend” there would be hundreds of articles about the “Do’s and Don’ts of dating”. Constantly we are comparing unrealistic Instagram relationships to our own relationship or what we would want in a future relationship. If you’re anything like me I am continuously updating my list of expectations for my future husband. But in the mix of obsessing over our “dream spouse” we tend to forget about God’s expectations for our relationships.
In today’s dating world many terms are thrown around as in “The one”, “Mr. Right”, “Bae”, “LOML”… we tend to get so caught up in what we want in a person, we forget to become the RIGHT person. Take a big guess where I’m going with this… God has VERY high expectations for who you end up with but he first wants you to grow your relationship with him above all else. One of my friends once put it like this, finding a spouse looks kind of like a triangle, you are pursuing God, while (HE or SHE) is also chasing God and you both eventually meet in the middle. Simple enough, right? Where I’m trying to get at here is God wants you to put your relationship with him over EVERYTHING. In this blog post I’m going to take you through what God says about all kinds of relationships: Friendships, Dating, Your Relationship with him, and Expectations. Let’s dive in!!!
I love, love friendship!!! There are so many amazing people that I’ve met and have become so great of friends with. They have supported me, encouraged me, and given me some great advice. Friendship is so essential to our lives. However, friendship throughout time has been so twisted. Instead of being the good friend, we search for a good friend hoping to find one instantly. And then create expectations of “friendship goals” that aren’t too often met. I know with many of my good friendships there have been many times I was jealous of them in one shape or another. Either jealous of how they look, their relationship, how much more successful they are than me, or even how they seem to have it all together. But God opened my eyes to view the success of my friends in his eyes instead of my own. In a recent bible study, I finished, “Uninvited” by Lysa TerKaurst, she talked about how “her success doesn’t threaten mine”. You bet that hit me like a ton of holy bricks. The message she was sending through that statement was that God’s grace is limitless. It doesn’t choose a certain people, race or gender. It doesn’t limit itself to a few people. It is equal given to everyone, even that friend that wronged you, lied about you and left you.
We sometimes think that the bible doesn’t have anything that relates to our modern struggles, that is so not true. The bible has sooo many words on friendship, what to avoid, what to look for, and how to be a good friend. Yeah, the bible doesn’t seem so old now does it.
Did you know that Jesus had many good friends? One of the only recorded times Jesus cried in the bible was over the death of his friend Lazarus. Jesus always was very intentional when picking his friends or you know disciple’s. They for sure weren’t perfect but he knew their hearts, and their great amount of loyalty.
When you think of your expectations for a friendship, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?
Loyalty, Trusting, Funny, Relatable?
Here are many verses about becoming the right friend and finding those good, genuine friendships:
Proverbs 18:24 A man of many companions may come to run, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
(Become that friend)
Proverbs 13:20 He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.
(Seek friends who seek wisdom)
John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends
(Put others first)
Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.
(Sharpen your friend spiritually)
Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity
(Be a friend who loves, and is there especially in the hard times)
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! (Give 100% to your friendship)
After listing those verses we can see the intentionality that God has put in his word to show us the importance of friendship. When seeking friends, and evaluating your friendships, as yourself these questions?
Is this person lifting me up or bring me down?
Is this person influencing me in good ways or bad ways?
Am I being the friend I should be?
These are essential questions in having not only successful friendships but strong friendships.
Become the friend you want, put others first.
In modern terms, almost any single person I talk to defines dating commonly as one word “complicated”.
Relationships, especially in dating relationships, society is constantly straining the idea of the “perfect” couple. SPOLIER ALERT – no human relationship no matter how much love there is will ever be perfect. I think we get so tangled up in trying to find the perfect person to spend the rest of our lives with, we forget the “perfect” guy or girl is nonexistent. We obsess over our dreams of marriage, our Pinterest wedding plans and what our future spouse should look like. Although having a list of what you want, and setting high expectations is good, we also need to see what God’s expectations are for our relationships.
My uncle use to always tell me “never date a boy unless you can see yourself marrying him”, and I honestly took that to heart when it came to getting into a serious relationship. This applies to guys and gals of all ages. Don’t date anyone you can’t imagine yourself marrying one day. A follow up question you might have is “Well then, what should I look for in a person to date?” Before you even consider dating, become the person God wants you to be. And yes, there is specific areas of the bible that describes the ideal Godly woman and the ideal Godly man.
Gal’s, I’m sure you’ve heard of the Proverbs 31 woman, but have you ever tried to become her? We read through Proverbs 31:10-31 and if you’re like me, you get overwhelmed by how perfect this woman seems to be. But digging into this passage, I see a woman who simply fears and follows the lord with all she has. She has a servant’s heart for her husband, as well as her family. She’s not a complainer, not lazy, wise, strong, and passionate. God designed Proverbs 31 to be a tangible reality for us women! Obviously we can’t become this kind of woman on our own. Pursue God first, put his will above yours and in his perfect timing he will give you the man just right for you.
Speaking of Guys, did you know there is a passage on what kind of man you ought to be as well?
Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
You may be thinking to yourself, "lol I’m not a husband, this DOES NOT apply to me." Oh but it does. Even as a single guy, you need to be spiritually preparing yourself to become this man. In Genesis 1:27 God created MAN and woman after his image, and part of being in his image we are to reflect his character!
Some traits of a godly man we can see directly out of scripture is:
Seek to be humble – Proverbs 27:2
Serve not demand to be served – Mark 10:45
Honor God with his body – 1 Corin. 6:18
Desires to please the Lord more than himself – 2 Corin. 5:9
And many more!!!
You can see in either of these biblical descriptions it does not say anything about being the “perfect” person but being a person of intentional pursuit of God before all things. When we intentionally pursue God, read his word, focus on being the right person we don’t just enter relationships with the mind set of what we can get out of it, but with a heart prepared to give. Give your 110% to another person who is also chasing after God. If you are both rooted in Christ, what a beautiful harvest you will have.
(The only relationship that will be perfect in your life is the unconditional love given to you by Jesus)
Raise your hand if you have some list written out of your dream guy or girl… You can’t see me, but I’m currently raising both of my hands on the other side of this screen. It is so important to know what you want in a future partner. However, this is can become a dangerous water to tread in. When we become obsessive over find the right person, or are in a relationship that is not founded on God, things go downhill very quickly. When you get into the wrong relationship, you can find yourself wanting that other person to fulfill ever single wish your heart desires. Or think they can complete you in every single way. Sorry to burst your bubble, but no human was ever created to complete your every need. We honestly can’t even begin to come close. I can honestly say in my current relationship, my boyfriend (Wyatt) and I have been dating for almost five years. He in many ways, compliments my personality and traits and I compliment his. We balance each other very well. There have been many times throughout our relationship I relied on him to love me, fulfill me, and complete me in ways he was never designed to. I eventually instead of putting God in the center of my life, I placed Wyatt there. And the scary part is I didn’t do it intentionally, neither did it happen all at once. My mistake happened when I slowly began to give Wyatt more time, more thought, more of myself than I was giving God. That doesn’t mean those things weren’t good to give in our relationship but the fact was he was getting more of my time than God was. God quickly opened my eyes to the turnaround I had made in my life. Thankfully we serve a pursuing God that never gives up on us and loves us unconditionally. Transitioning God back into the center of my life was a hard process. It was an easy choice, but a hard path to take considering I had basically tried to take the steering wheel of my life and it felt like I ended up far off in the woods.
Very recently I have had to learn that Wyatt isn’t going to be able to complete my life in ways that God was designed to. I had created such HIGH, unrealistic expectations that weren’t humanly possible to meet. Our relationship struggled hard because of these expectations. Don’t get me wrong I still have a list of what I expect in a godly, future husband – but it is now based on what God wants for me.
Maybe you’ve been in my position and have battled with making God the center of your life and relationship. Or you’re single and trying to work through what you really want in a future relationship. My advice to anyone who is in a relationship, dating, or single, no matter what stage of life you are in, put God first, pursue his will. Be willing to not just pray for the right person to come into your life, but become the RIGHT person.
One of my favorite all time Chapters of the bible come straight out of 1 Corinthians 13.
I challenge you to read that as soon as you hop off my website!!
YOU WILL NOT REGRET READING IT!
I will leave you guys & gals with these final thoughts…
Pursue him, prioritize him, pray to him & trust his timing.
He will NEVER fail you.
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