Talking Out Your Problems with Your Partner

Wyatt and I, we still have really dumb arguments. Mostly caused by one of us being too prideful (most of the time me) to apologize for a smart ‘butt’ remark and just move on. Recently we had an argument about respect. Often my mouth moves before my brain thinks. Anyone else have that problem…. Yikes. My dad (for comical reference) calls this constipation of the brain, diarrhea of the mouth. I have self-diagnosed myself with this for times. It usually flares us when I get seriously irritated or things don’t turn out the way I would like them. Anyways we had a long conversation, creating boundaries on how to respond in certain situations when we are flustered in a public setting. I understand this may sound silly to a few of you, but sometimes you just need to take a moment and reset some boundaries. Relationships don’t always get easier, they just (with hard work) get consistently better. Communication makes your relationship “easier’. But good communication is achieved by two people working hard to understand each other.


Dating for the past five years has given me a good glimpse of what our future would be like together. I believe if you are striving for marriage in your dating relationship you should also be focusing how to be the best couple you can possibly be. Because, why not start early? Don’t get me wrong, Wyatt and I have had our battles with communication. However, our relationship only grows stronger when talk out our feelings, expectations, problems, and insecurities out loud to each other. So how have we got from bad communication skills to a more progressive communication method? Well friend lucky for you, that is exactly what I’m writing out for you.

When it comes to figuring out how and when you talk over deep conversations with your significant other, it is a growing process. You will not just figure it out all at once. Although that would be GREAT. Here I’m listing you a few ways you can begin to touch the surface of how to talk to your partner about problems either in your life or in your relationship.


Talk it out


Ironically, the first step you need to take is to talk it out. This answer seems easy but lord it’s not. Have you ever brought up a tough topic in a relationship? Maybe something that’s bothering you and you just now have the confidence to speak up. Welp, I know where you’re at. I have been in those tough, tricky situations where you really want to bring up something but you don’t know how. The best advice I can give you is to just be honest. If the person you are in a relationship with doesn’t respect genuine, sincere honesty, they may not be a keeper. Honesty can be a hard pill to give and even harder to swallow. It can be a huge turning point in your relationship. Wyatt and I grew closer when he would open up to me about certain things I did that bothered him. With him being honest, I then felt open to share with him some things he did that I didn’t like all too much. Telling the truth works.


There is a time and place


Second, there is a time and place for everything, especially hard conversations. If you need to communicate something big or small, there is a way to do so in respect to the other person. Sure this is not during an argument/fight (p.s. that is the worst place to bring up an irritation/problem). Pray about the delivery of your words and the receiving on your partner side. Be careful to talk between just you two it could be outside taking a long walk to maybe even over a meal.


Face to Face Conversations


Third always talk out big topics over the phone or preferably face to face. The beginning days of imessage (I got my first phone 9th grade) because I think my parents wanted me to know their struggle. And back then iphones were only good for playing flappy bird and doodle jump. One year later Wyatt and I started dating. Honestly most of our deep important conversations at first were over text message. This is not the way to talk things out. Communication is best done when you can do it face to face. If you aren’t comfortable talking in that relationship, re-evaluate if you guys are a good match. Also Wyatt and I formed a friendship before we even considered starting a dating relationship. When developing good communication skills, it helps if you grow that friendship while also growing your relationship. Dating doesn’t have to be romantic candle light dinners all the time. Sometimes it’s going fishing, taking a hike, watching a movie, playing a card game and so on. As we applied this to our relationship it became easier to talk to each other as best friends than boyfriend and girlfriend. Does that make sense? What I mean is that growing a friendship helps develop a more active dating relationship. You are NOT going to cuddle on the couch with a close friend, at least I don’t lol. But instead you’re going to make time to plan an activity or hang out somewhere instead of just being all “lovy dovy”.

This is an important lesson I have had to learn within our relationship but it has changed us for the better. And I believe it will make a huge difference in your relationship as well.


At the end of the day communication is a two-way street. In order to have solid communication within a relationship you BOTH have to talk things out. Be honest and learn to be a good listener. Wyatt and I still have many things to improve on, but learning to talk things out has help us become closer and more transparent with each other. Being able to talk confidently and comfortable with you partner will take a lot of work but all the hard work is WORTH it.



I hope you guys enjoyed the few pieces of advice on how to talk through problems with your partner. Honestly every relationship is so different, it takes time to figure out how to efficiently communicate and talk over hard things. I challenge you, if you are in a relationship to figure out how your significant other communicates. This is the best BIG step into being about to open up and talk through all the hard things this life throws at us.

With love,

Tessah

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